Day 13. Wow.

I feel amazing.

I don't know how else to say it. The cravings have mostly subsided, and it doesn't feel like a constant fight to withstand. Physically, I feel more level and more consistent. I can tell a difference between the sugar swings I was constantly experiencing before and this fairly constant feeling I have. My body doesn't feel like it's constantly compensating for the crap I just put in it. And emotionally, I'm feeling awesome. I don't know if I can give the no sugar experiment any or all credit, but for example: Last week I taught the first week of school which is notoriously tiring. Normally by Friday I'm wiped and especially expected that THIS Friday (yesterday) because I had 4 classes with 35-43 students. (Go Utah education. Grrr.) Y'all - throughout the week, I was liking my job and by Friday, I felt energetic, happy, and all around awesome. WEIRDED OUT.

very. very. weirded. out.

I really didn't expect this. I don't know what I expected. I think the only thing I expected was a constant month of torture. This world of feeling in control and feeling good? I don't even have words about it.

PS. Those Fuhrman books are pretty cool. If you're a healing/nutrition/food nerd the way I am, check them out.

First experiment: at least a month with no sugar

And it begins.

It may seem that no sugar is a strange place to start this blog about "living." And I know plenty of people who have given me the stink eye when I've mentioned the idea. It's not a popular decision and is often considered extreme.

Here's what I know:
1. I have a grandfather and a mother who have dealt with type II diabetes.

2. I am dependent on sugar. I think about it every day. If I don't have it, I think about wanting it. If I have it, I feel guilty about it. This is a cycle that very much impedes my health and well being.

3. When I'm lonely, sad, or bored, sugar is the first place I turn to for reliable relief and disconnection from feeling it. It's very much an emotional thing for me. It has ties to not feeling good enough.

4. I can feel my heart race sometimes after I've eaten something really sweet. I don't like it.

5. This weekend, while with my family, I couldn't stop. I literally made myself sick.

6. I have felt, repeatedly, that I needed to do this. I feel I need to honor that. Even it it feels like it might kill me.



I figure that I'm already living an extreme. It just so happens that my extreme is supported by the social norm. I'm hoping that by going to the other extreme (and cleansing my body from its dependence) I can eventually move to balance between the two.

Now, in full disclosure, I've tried this before. I've never made it longer than a week. And that one time was because I felt forced into it by a nutritionist who wasn't explaining the "why" behind it to me. While I feel more ready and more informed now than I ever have, I'm also fully aware of how hard this will be. Practically impossible. Then again, I've run three marathons. I wasn't always sure I'd finish those either, but I did. And I wouldn't change it.

It starts tomorrow. My rules: I'm avoiding all white carbs (which are all essentially sugar). This includes white flour, white rice, etc. (Holy shit. What am I gonna do without cookies? Ack!)

I will write every one or two days. I will share what I'm cooking, what I'm learning, and how I'm coping. I'll also share information and books that I've read in case you're interested. Any love and support you could send my way would much appreciated. Hopefully I'll make it out alive.

Life Experiments

I want to live. Like really live. When I visualize what that looks like for me, I imagine myself able to live in joy and serenity more consistently. I see a woman who genuinely loves herself and carries herself with confidence and love. I see someone who in turn views the people around her with empathy and ease.

Saying yes to life has been my goal for the year. This blog is the next installment of that process. Over the past couple months, some patterns in my life have come to my attention. These patterns, probably imperceptible to everyone else, have been draining my energy. I've been saying I would do something about these things for years. And while I have been gathering information, I haven't actually done anything. Yet.

I'm going to start experimenting with change. One thing at a time. Follow along on the journey, if you wish.