It may seem that no sugar is a strange place to start this blog about "living." And I know plenty of people who have given me the stink eye when I've mentioned the idea. It's not a popular decision and is often considered extreme.
Here's what I know:
1. I have a grandfather and a mother who have dealt with type II diabetes.
2. I am dependent on sugar. I think about it every day. If I don't have it, I think about wanting it. If I have it, I feel guilty about it. This is a cycle that very much impedes my health and well being.
3. When I'm lonely, sad, or bored, sugar is the first place I turn to for reliable relief and disconnection from feeling it. It's very much an emotional thing for me. It has ties to not feeling good enough.
4. I can feel my heart race sometimes after I've eaten something really sweet. I don't like it.
5. This weekend, while with my family, I couldn't stop. I literally made myself sick.
6. I have felt, repeatedly, that I needed to do this. I feel I need to honor that. Even it it feels like it might kill me.
I figure that I'm already living an extreme. It just so happens that my extreme is supported by the social norm. I'm hoping that by going to the other extreme (and cleansing my body from its dependence) I can eventually move to balance between the two.
Now, in full disclosure, I've tried this before. I've never made it longer than a week. And that one time was because I felt forced into it by a nutritionist who wasn't explaining the "why" behind it to me. While I feel more ready and more informed now than I ever have, I'm also fully aware of how hard this will be. Practically impossible. Then again, I've run three marathons. I wasn't always sure I'd finish those either, but I did. And I wouldn't change it.
It starts tomorrow. My rules: I'm avoiding all white carbs (which are all essentially sugar). This includes white flour, white rice, etc. (Holy shit. What am I gonna do without cookies? Ack!)
I will write every one or two days. I will share what I'm cooking, what I'm learning, and how I'm coping. I'll also share information and books that I've read in case you're interested. Any love and support you could send my way would much appreciated. Hopefully I'll make it out alive.
