Day 13. Wow.

I feel amazing.

I don't know how else to say it. The cravings have mostly subsided, and it doesn't feel like a constant fight to withstand. Physically, I feel more level and more consistent. I can tell a difference between the sugar swings I was constantly experiencing before and this fairly constant feeling I have. My body doesn't feel like it's constantly compensating for the crap I just put in it. And emotionally, I'm feeling awesome. I don't know if I can give the no sugar experiment any or all credit, but for example: Last week I taught the first week of school which is notoriously tiring. Normally by Friday I'm wiped and especially expected that THIS Friday (yesterday) because I had 4 classes with 35-43 students. (Go Utah education. Grrr.) Y'all - throughout the week, I was liking my job and by Friday, I felt energetic, happy, and all around awesome. WEIRDED OUT.

very. very. weirded. out.

I really didn't expect this. I don't know what I expected. I think the only thing I expected was a constant month of torture. This world of feeling in control and feeling good? I don't even have words about it.

PS. Those Fuhrman books are pretty cool. If you're a healing/nutrition/food nerd the way I am, check them out.

Day 5

Eating out is a bit of an issue. I love eating out; it's really one of my favorite things to do. I love finding hidden away places with great food. I have 2 issues I'm coming up against under my present circumstances. First, I love bread and sweets. (Obviously.) So yesterday when I tagged along with a couple of colleagues to Paradise Bakery which is simply brimming over with simple carbs (they make those divine cookies with margarine. I asked once.), it was a bit of a trial. I had to do my best not to think about it....while constantly thinking about it. I had eaten not too long before, so I wasn't ordering anything. I was able to just sit there and face the temptation. Victoriously.

Then later I went with a friend to Zupas. I loooove Zupas (all my favorite foods! soup, salad, and sandwiches) and only recently discovered this much-closer-than-Utah-county one. Anyway, along with avoiding my pitfall foods, it's also difficult to know what is in the little things you kind of forget might have sugar. You have to assume yes, but I didn't really think about it until it was too late. Like the dressing on the salad I ordered probably had some sugar. I ordered it on the side and didn't eat much of it (a really good salad doesn't need much/any dressing anyway), but still. There's sugar in most sauces and condiments. Also, they put "cinnamon almonds" on my salad. Sugar? Who knows? And there could be sugar in the soup. How do you know? Different places are different about posting nutritional info. I need to be really aware of that or decide if I care about being that vigilant. I think I do though.

I ended the day with raspberries and cream. (Real cream. I love cream. Thanks for that, Mom and Dad.) A nice indulgence, but one I'd better not get carried away with.

Another day down. I'm heading home again this weekend (where I was when I decided this was imperative in the first place). Wish me luck.

Day 3.

One of the weirdest things I'm noticing so far: the feeling of "full" no longer feels the same. I'm realizing how much I have used carbs to help me feel like I've eaten enough. When you eat lots of bread or lots of sugar, you eventually reach a point where it feels like everything just sits in your digestion system. And you feel full. Stretched, almost. And over the last couple days, it has constantly felt like I haven't quite eaten enough, even though I know I have. Food can keep moving without all that flour and sugar to slow down the process. Does that make sense? I probably have consumed tons of empty calories simply to try and reach that point of fullness.

Anyway, today I'm going to highlight the first of many books I've read on my food journey to this point. I grew up in a stereotypical American house, concerning food. French fries, hamburgers, pasta, white bread, cream of something soup with cheese and rice. Lots of bread, lots of meat, lots of sugar, not a lot of vegetables and such. A year after I graduated from college, I was home for the summer. I heard a lesson taught in church by a woman who I had known for years. And some of the things she discussed caught my attention. After the lesson, I asked her about her thoughts on food and fasting and such. She recommended this book: Fit for Life. She believed this book was true, true, true.


Years later, I'm not sure what I think about this book and don't think I could live by what it recommends. (It talks about food combination, eliminating dairy and meat, and only eating fruit until noon). But this was the book that made me realize what I ate affected how I felt. That honestly had never occurred to me before. It's also the book that caused me to try vegetarianism for two years. Being a vegetarian was a really valuable experience for me and taught me a lot about myself and food. This book was the beginning of my fascination with food and how our bodies use it to do the amazing things they do.

PS. I totally spooned me today. Sugar-free yumminess is mine.

Day 1.

Well. So far, so good.

Here's what I've noticed so far. I was doing ok until I passed Mrs. Backers on the way to my hair appointment (my hair is lookin' fine, by the way). Their raspberry cream cheese tarts suddenly flashed through my mind. Torture, thy name is pastry. Later, I ate lunch. I bought a quinoa salad from Whole Foods, hoping that buying something yummy would mean I wouldn't want sugar at all. Not so. My body is trained to eat something sweet after meals. And later at my brother's house, I was tending my niece. And do you know what he had the audacity to have in the freezer? Oreo Klondike bars. Bastard. As recompense, I made him buy me the lo carb special at Greek Souvlaki. It was good, but it was no Klondike bar.


Despite all this, I made it. Day 1 is conquered.

You know, I was thinking today about what I wrote in my post yesterday. I made a joke about how this whole thing might kill me. But ya know what the truth is? It might kill me if I don't. I would kick myself if I were 70 and injecting insulin someday just because I couldn't NOT eat cookies when I was 29. That might sound dramatic, but truly. I can only gain from this little experiment. And all day, even as I fought my cravings, it felt like the right thing to do.

So, the plan continues. I've decided to set up a rewards system. I have used food as one of my only sources of pleasure for a long time. (Food should be a source of pleasure. It just shouldn't slowly kill you over time.) It's time to try some new things. Here are some ideas.

Today I joined a CSA, so every Thursday I will have fresh food to discover new, healthy, yummy recipes with.
Regular massages. (I've already got one scheduled.)
A new hoodie
A new waterbottle
Perhaps a cat? (Really not sure about this after the dog fiasco of 2009)

Any other ideas? Thank you for any and all support.

First experiment: at least a month with no sugar

And it begins.

It may seem that no sugar is a strange place to start this blog about "living." And I know plenty of people who have given me the stink eye when I've mentioned the idea. It's not a popular decision and is often considered extreme.

Here's what I know:
1. I have a grandfather and a mother who have dealt with type II diabetes.

2. I am dependent on sugar. I think about it every day. If I don't have it, I think about wanting it. If I have it, I feel guilty about it. This is a cycle that very much impedes my health and well being.

3. When I'm lonely, sad, or bored, sugar is the first place I turn to for reliable relief and disconnection from feeling it. It's very much an emotional thing for me. It has ties to not feeling good enough.

4. I can feel my heart race sometimes after I've eaten something really sweet. I don't like it.

5. This weekend, while with my family, I couldn't stop. I literally made myself sick.

6. I have felt, repeatedly, that I needed to do this. I feel I need to honor that. Even it it feels like it might kill me.



I figure that I'm already living an extreme. It just so happens that my extreme is supported by the social norm. I'm hoping that by going to the other extreme (and cleansing my body from its dependence) I can eventually move to balance between the two.

Now, in full disclosure, I've tried this before. I've never made it longer than a week. And that one time was because I felt forced into it by a nutritionist who wasn't explaining the "why" behind it to me. While I feel more ready and more informed now than I ever have, I'm also fully aware of how hard this will be. Practically impossible. Then again, I've run three marathons. I wasn't always sure I'd finish those either, but I did. And I wouldn't change it.

It starts tomorrow. My rules: I'm avoiding all white carbs (which are all essentially sugar). This includes white flour, white rice, etc. (Holy shit. What am I gonna do without cookies? Ack!)

I will write every one or two days. I will share what I'm cooking, what I'm learning, and how I'm coping. I'll also share information and books that I've read in case you're interested. Any love and support you could send my way would much appreciated. Hopefully I'll make it out alive.